ATTENTION ALL WIVES (and I say this to you as a public service): If your husband is NOT getting regular sex from YOU, he is probably getting it from someone like ME--or worse--he is having an AFFAIR with a woman with whom he is emotionally involved. One of my male friends who knows what I do for work told me this joke recently: Two women are seated in the audience of their friends' wedding. As the beautiful couple walks down the aisle, one woman turns to the other and says, "That's the LAST blow job he'll ever get!"
This is humorous to me, because I hear the same story over and over again from my clients: "My wife doesn't like to give oral." "I haven't had a BJ in over 20 years." If I could give one--and ONLY one--piece of advice to wives or girlfriends who are concerned that their man might "stray": LEARN TO GIVE REGULAR ORAL PLEASURE to your male partner, even if it's not your favorite activity.
Some women love to give head from early on in their sexual careers, but I myself did not enjoy it until I was in my thirties. I had a couple of unpleasant experiences with boyfriends in high school which left me with a "bad taste" in my mouth (pun intended). Let's just say that cleanliness of the private parts is not a major priority for teenage boys who are trying to sneak around behind their parents' backs and get their freak on! Thankfully, I had a long-term boyfriend later in life who really enjoyed oral pleasure and who showed me what a turn-on it could be for me to give it, and--most importantly--I could make him take a shower first. Ha!
Concerning the issue of whether or not men are "getting enough" from their regular partners: Make no mistake--there are certainly many true philanderers out there who have plenty of sex with their wives or girlfriends--but still want "something on the side." Some men even seem to think of it as an entitlement, as in, "Well, I'm a successful, important man...I DESERVE a mistress!" I believe this is a major part of the "hobbyist mentality" which the escorts discuss from time to time on the forums. I have mixed feelings about this part of the job, but I still think it's far better that a man with a steady partner comes to see me rather than seeking out an affair just to get this "extra" sex. Because I want no involvement with him beyond the client/provider relationship, I cause no trouble for him and his significant other.
Apart from the physical issues inherent in the role of the "other woman for hire," being a mistress is an extremely intimate and unique liasion. Even for an escort like me--who may see a man one time only--there are often feelings and confidences shared which are much like those exchanged between lovers in an ongoing, illicit affair. Someone once said that hairdressers often become de facto confessors and even shrinks for their clients, perhaps because of the physical intimacy involved in cutting and styling someone's hair: They contact a part of the client's body--the hair and head--which normally only loved ones or other family members touch. I have wondered if perhaps this is one of the (probably many) reasons why some clients open up to me about extremely personal issues. There is a kind of "instant intimacy" which occurs when I get naked and jump into bed with a complete stranger. A lot of the normal social barriers are automatically and suddenly shattered in this configuration, and I often find myself opening up to clients, as well. We are engaged in an inherently personal and private activity, so perhaps we feel...What's left to hide? I'm sure the fact that we are somewhat anonymous and may never meet again also makes it easier to "bare our souls" to one another.
I have discussed the therapeutic element of this work in my previous entry, "Sexual Healing," and I will probably return to this subject again and again. I don't think it can be overstated what an important function we perform as escorts, just by being willing to interact intimately with our clients, the sexual/pleasure dimension notwithstanding. I believe that some men think that this is the only thing they want from us--to "get their rocks off," etc.--but I feel certain that many people in this world are just starving for basic interaction with another human being, including being listended to, touched, and held. Sexual pleasure and release are certainly important, but I feel that perhaps some men contact us for these services, and it is more of an excuse when the real need is to reach out to and connect with another human being. I've had several clients say as much.
So I am constantly awakening to subtler and deeper dimensions of this work.
There is something very special for some of my clients about the privacy afforded by having a "secret friend," even if just for one night. Just as in an ongoing affair wherein the man is married, I often hear all about the wife--both positive and negative--but of course, she never hears about me. There is actually a great deal of trust invested in me as a complete stranger, and I take my role as confidante and confessor quite seriously. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from, but--at least for me--there is a SACRED element inherent in this position of "The Keeper of Secrets." I feel honored that some of my clients entrust me with such private details of their personal lives.
I recently watched the movie Women In Love, based on D.H. Lawrence's novel of the same name. At one point, the characters discuss how one of the women is totally cut-out to be a wife, and how the other is a "natural mistress." Well, I have been both roles in my life, and at this point, I suppose I am in my "mistress phase." I thoroughly enjoy the freedom to come and go as I please which the escort lifestyle affords me. And as I've previously mentioned, the financial element is truly gratifying, and I don't even work all that much. Surprisingly, I do get many of my needs for physical and emotional intimacy met through the job, and I also have many dear friends who are really the core of my life.
So...once again...I'm amazed at the richness and complexity of experience which I find in this work, and how everything in my life leading up to this career has totally prepared me for it. Let the adventure continue!!!
