I touched briefly in my first blog entry on how I have found this work to have an unexpected healing dimension to it, and I am not the only one who feels that way. Several of my clients have used this word, and have expressed how their encounters with me have served to improve their lives on many levels, beyond the obvious sexual pleasure of the moment. And the benefits to my own life keep revealing themselves in new and surprising ways, as well.
As stated previously, my clients hire me for a myriad of reasons. I am guessing that approximately 50% of them are married or involved in a serious relationship, and for some reason feel that they need an encounter beyond the confines of that bond. Some travel extensively for a living, and do not have the time or energy to devote to a girlfriend. Some are "between relationships," and just want some intimate companionship without any strings attached.
I have needed to open my mind a great deal regarding the "cheating" element of this job, because it is definitely a big part of it. In my normal dating life, I never would knowingly date a married man or someone who was in a committed relationship, because I wanted to be taken seriously, and not just regarded as a "plaything" or "naughty diversion." I figured that if a guy wanted to get involved with me, he needed to cut ties with anyone else before embarking on that. Also, if he had children in his marriage, I felt that I would be cheating on them, too, as well as his wife. I think in all my adult life, only two guys I dated briefly got away with lying to me about being married.
This issue of having married men as clients was probably one of the biggest moral dilemmas I faced in taking on this work. Some men share with me what's going on in their marriages, and why they feel the need to enlist my services, and some talk very openly about their wives, as if they were just speaking to me as a friend. I am still not very happy about this aspect of the job, but I have gained some peace about it. I don't know if it will sound like a "cop-out," but I have come to accept the notion that if they don't hire me, they will hire someone else, and the cheating will happen anyway. On top of that--and what makes me feel the best about my position, perhaps--is that I am the "Anonymous Woman"--and far better for them to have a dalliance with me than to get involved with an affair or to take on a real mistress.
Several of my clients--both older and younger than me--are in basically sexless marriages, and yet they want to stay with their wives for various reasons. Having a very strong libido myself, they have garnered some sympathy on my part, in that if my husband (if I were happily married) decided he didn't want to have sex anymore, that would be really tough for me. I think it's incredibly unfair and even cruel for a spouse to say to a partner: "Well--I don't want to or can't have sex with you anymore, so that means your sex life is over, too..." I think this is just impractical and unreasonable, on both emotional and physical levels. Certainly after my experiences as an escort, if I were in a devoted relationship, and suddenly lost my drive or interest in physical lovemaking, I would encourage my partner to find someone to fulfill his needs; heck--I'd probably even help him look!
When a spouse cuts a partner off sexually, it makes me think of an analogy: So my tennis partner moves away, does that mean I can never play tennis again? Hell no!!! And sex is a lot more important than tennis! An older client was just telling me how his doctor told him one of my favorite lines: "USE IT OR LOSE IT!!!" Because my client's wife won't have sex with him, the doctor suggests that he masturbate 3 times per week. I am seeing more and more evidence in mainstream media and on-line that regular sexual release, whether with a partner or alone, is beginning to be thought of as a normal part of a healthy lifestyle and physical regimen.
What is so encouraging, especially in this client's case, is that he reports to me that our occasional encounters are actually helping his marriage!!! Perhaps because he feels less frustrated, and therefore less resentful towards his wife, he and she are getting along better these days. He even told me recently that he has hope that the physical intimacy may return to his marriage someday, and that he felt sorry if he couldn't see me any anymore. Hey--no problem! How heartening is it to feel that I could help in such an intractable situation as this? Healing comes in many forms. If he has to let me go, I will just smile and say: "My work here is done!!!"
Several clients have hired me, after long periods without a sex partner, just to make sure that "everything still works." I am glad to say that in most of these cases, the answer was a resounding "Yes!" Some of my older clients have issues with their physical functioning, so in some regards, I do act as a sort of amateur sex therapist. And of course, a number of my clients complain of stress or anxiety, due to a heavy work load or other stressors in their lives. After a good session with me, they often drift off to sleep. When they wake up, I tell them (with a mischeivious grin), "You see, I'm not really an escort--I'm a sleep therapist!
The benefits to my own health and well-being, both physical and emotional, are numerous as well. I do have very good sex with several of my regular clients, and even with some of the random, "one-timers," too. After many years of being in my sexual peak and with no regular partner, this is...um...gratifying! I develop friendships with some of my clients, and we do become a part of each others' routine lives. I very much enjoy the variety of the men I meet, and appreciate the conversations we share and the many different points of view I encounter. Several have helped me out in various ways in my "normal" life. Most are very nice people--gentlemen, to be sure--and I feel blessed to find myself in such a unique position in my life at this time, with so much positive feedback and warm regard coming my way.
This work has also been quite a boost to my self-esteem, which is very much a surprise to me. I will write more on this topic in a future blog entry, but I have to say that, given the stereotypes and cultural attitudes I grew up with regarding this profession, this wonderful side-effect of a positive attitude and emotional lift has been the biggest shock to me, albeit a happy one. I think most women in Western culture question their desirability and their sex appeal. The fact that I receive so much praise and appreciation from my clients regarding my looks and my talents in bed has just been profoundly healing for me, and has increased my confidence level in many other areas of my life. This work came to me at a time when I had basically "given up" on relationships, and was just resigned to this job which might actually damage my self-concept, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I have many more relationships (although somewhat limited in nature, by necessity), and now feel like a "Sex Goddess" at middle age! I still sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming!
