The Big "O"

 

Sometimes I will meet a new client, and he only has to give me a quick hug or touch my arm, and I think, "Wow--IT may happen tonight!!!"

By "IT," of course I mean that I sense such a powerful chemistry that I am almost certain I will be able to orgasm with this man.

I have often thought to myself--and even mentioned to several clients--that I wish I could "bottle" that intangible, ineffable, almost indescribable quality we call "chemistry" between two people, because I think I would become a billionairess if I did!

Being the New Age Escort, of course I have a metaphysical explanation for this phenomenon:  The energy fields, or "auras," of the two individuals who enjoy the great chemistry between them must have some kind of "magnetic resonance."  One can also look to astrology for compatibilities between the signs, planets, and elements in the two charts.  One could also speculate on a powerful "karmic link" between these chemically-attuned folks.

I would say that I am affectionate, sensual, and passionate, in that order (and that IS the usual order of my emotion and enthusiasm as I build to orgasm).  But if the guy and I clearly have that "great chemistry" from the first moment, then often an urgency builds within me from the very beginning, and I start to anticipate--and even rush to--my own climax.

If there is one thing a woman cannot fake--or hide--it is copious vaginal lubrication!!!  It definitely varies a bit with the night and my mood, but there are several clients whom I have seen multiple times wherein "the little spring" between my legs starts bubbling away right from the get-go, and I always end up having an orgasm with these gentlemen.  These clients/lovers get the designation of "Yum-mee!!!," which is my highest rating.

"Chemistry"--that wonderful, erotic, passionate, (and, yes, rare) quality of physical (and sometimes even emotional) attraction and connection between myself and a man is certainly desirable in a client in this line of work, and is almost always a surprise.  I would say it occurs maybe 10% of the time, if even that often.  It has nothing to do with the man's age, physical attractiveness, ethnicity, or even his personality, but certainly I will feel it (and enjoy it!) much more with a guy who is open to me and comfortable with his sexuality.

I had this kind of voracious attraction (and certainly there was infatuation, as well) with my first real boyfriend/lover in high school.  I always thought that it was necessary for me to be very deeply emotionally involved to feel this kind of intensely passionate desire for a sex partner, but I have found that this is not the case for me, at least not anymore.  How gratifying to discover that I can allow myself to surrender completely to my powerful libido and enjoy this kind of intense encounter with a complete stranger, whom I will very likely never see again--??  And most of my clients seem to really appreciate the fact that I am being truly authentic--as well as "getting off"--with them!

I have written in a previous entry about how this work leads to a sort of "instant intimacy," in that it affords some sense of freedom that a normal dating experience (or even a one-night stand) does not.  It is very often the case that I will see a particular client only once.  There is certainly no pressure on my part to continue after that initial encounter, and I think a lot of men can relax more easily with me than with a woman who may "want to get more involved."  I DO NOT want to get more involved, in general, although a number of clients have become real friends and have stayed in touch with me over the years.  If the client is not a "Nervous Newbie" (or paranoid for some other reason), the immediacy and the highly limited nature of the liaison may allow him to let down his guard and revel in his own sexuality--perhaps for the first time in his life.

And that "spark" of great chemistry between myself and a client can certainly aid in this process.  That's why I once referred to this work as "Erotic Go-Fish":  I never know just what I'm going to find on the other side of the door when the client opens it to welcome me in, but sometimes it's really good (and H-O-T!!!)   ;)

Whoring at the Super-8

 

There was just something about this one particular client, at this one particular motel, which made me feel sooo deliciously wonderful about being a prostitute.  I saw him only two or three times at the same location, but the effect on my mood and attitude was always the same:  "This is what it's A-L-L about!!!"

I'm not exactly sure why he--and the local Super-8 Motel--put me in this great frame of mind regarding my career choice.  In the past 7 1/2 years of engaging in this work, it has certainly not always been the case that I felt this way.

My feelings about this highly controversial way of making a living have run the full gamut, from absolute shock and disbelief (in the beginning, and still at times even now) that I would ever consider having sex for money with total strangers, to utter dread of getting arrested or "outed" to the public, to the other extreme of feeling "so lucky" that I get to make such great money in such an (often) enjoyable way.  Talk about MIXED EMOTIONS!!!

One of the most frustrating and even depressing aspect of this work--especially regarding its positive, "fun" side--is that I cannot share my good times with everyone I know.  Most of my friends and associates are fairly open-minded and progressive, and many would understand and even find the fact of my "whoring" rather humorous, after knowing me for so long in other contexts.  People mainly see me as down-to-earth, intelligent, responsible, compassionate, a good friend, etc.  My rather exotic career would not necessarily contradict any of those attributes; in many ways, it's the fact that my personality harmonizes so well with being a high-end escort which has led to my success in this field.  But I never know how someone might react to my "disclosure," so I chose my confidants and confessors rather carefully.

As I have written previously, a number of my close friends know about my "secret career," and in general I have made good choices about whom to tell and whom not to tell.  The thing is, attitudes about prostitution run the full spectrum from acceptance to abhorrence, much as my moods have ranged and swung over the years regarding this work.  Some people (especially women) may seem to have very "modern" viewpoints about many aspects of sexuality, but when you throw in the "getting paid for it" element, there could be a hidden Puritanical streak or other bias within them which might cause them to strongly reject me or even turn against me.  So I have to be very careful.

There have been times, such as with "Mr. Super-8," when I became extremely aroused just thinking about hooking up with a client.  These instances seem to be those in which I suspended my OWN personal Puritanical streak, tenuous as it may be (I believe that as Americans, we all have a bit of one, due to upbringing and cultural influences.)  In his case, he was a bit younger than me, very attractive, and the first time I walked into the rather seedy motel room, there was an empty 6-pack of beer in the trash.  This is not particularly typical:  most of my clients are older than I am, and most are not rather buzzed when I arrive.  But he was a good guy, and treated me well, and we had a lot of fun together.  As often occurs after I have a positive meeting with a client, I walked out of the motel room and down the stairs just feeling very "high on life."  The several encounters I had with him made me feel exceptionally so:  I'm guessing that all of the elements must have been present which fit my stereotype of what "good whoring" is all about.  Ha!

I remember having a sort of "waking dream" (a precognition, perhaps??) when I was a youngster just learning about prostitution.  An older relative let me read Playboys and Penthouses, and it was on those pages that I gained some of my early sex education, however skewed in tone it may have been.  I never, ever seriously considered this line of work until I actually jumped into it just over seven years ago, but I do recall visualizing or imagining a well-paid, stylishly dressed escort confidently walking away from a high-rise building in some unknown city.  She seemed happy.  I don't know that I felt it was "me" at the time in my adolescent imagination, but I'm pretty sure now that it was a sort of prophetic vision:  There is a high-rise hotel in a nearby city which I visit once in awhile, and I did indeed once look up at the structure after having a successful session with a client, and recalled my image of the call girl from my childhood.  My mood was exactly the same as the woman's in my vision.  "Yes, that was me, after all," I concluded.  

Different Strokes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Five Years of Fun!!!

I just recently celebrated my fifth-year anniversary in this work, and I'm still having a blast!

Here are some of the highlights and insights of my career so far (in no particular order):

~I've made more money--by far--than I have in my whole life.

~I have had no serious problems whatsoever, contrary to what I expected in the beginning of my escort career.

~I have met many wonderful gentlemen, some of whom have become friends.

~I have learned (however unexpectedly) to get much of my need for intimacy and even relationship fulfilled through this work.

~The age range of my clients is from 19 to 88 years old!

~Providing this service to men has opened up my mind to the possibilities of many different forms of romantic relationships.

~I have become much more tolerant and much less judgmental towards men and their behavior in general.

~I have come to believe that although we are evolutionarily and genetically designed for monogamy, we are definitely somewhat designed for infidelity, as well.

~I don't know that I can ever go back to standard monogamy, after this experience.

~I have learned that I am a pretty good businesswoman, and quite the entrepreneur!

~I have found that using condoms "religiously" really, really does prevent disease (I have had none, and I do get checked regularly.)

~"Servicing" men in this way is in reality something of a public service.  I believe I have SAVED several marriages through this work!.

The Professional Mistress

     ATTENTION ALL WIVES (and I say this to you as a public service): If your husband is NOT getting regular sex from YOU, he is probably getting it from someone like ME--or worse--he is having an AFFAIR with a woman with whom he is emotionally involved. One of my male friends who knows what I do for work told me this joke recently: Two women are seated in the audience of their friends' wedding. As the beautiful couple walks down the aisle, one woman turns to the other and says, "That's the LAST blow job he'll ever get!" This is humorous to me, because I hear the same story over and over again from my clients: "My wife doesn't like to give oral." "I haven't had a BJ in over 20 years." If I could give one--and ONLY one--piece of advice to wives or girlfriends who are concerned that their man might "stray": LEARN TO GIVE REGULAR ORAL PLEASURE to your male partner, even if it's not your favorite activity.
      Some women love to give head from early on in their sexual careers, but I myself did not enjoy it until I was in my thirties. I had a couple of unpleasant experiences with boyfriends in high school which left me with a "bad taste" in my mouth (pun intended). Let's just say that cleanliness of the private parts is not a major priority for teenage boys who are trying to sneak around behind their parents' backs and get their freak on! Thankfully, I had a long-term boyfriend later in life who really enjoyed oral pleasure and who showed me what a turn-on it could be for me to give it, and--most importantly--I could make him take a shower first. Ha!
     Concerning the issue of whether or not men are "getting enough" from their regular partners: Make no mistake--there are certainly many true philanderers out there who have plenty of sex with their wives or girlfriends--but still want "something on the side." Some men even seem to think of it as an entitlement, as in, "Well, I'm a successful, important man...I DESERVE a mistress!" I believe this is a major part of the "hobbyist mentality" which the escorts discuss from time to time on the forums. I have mixed feelings about this part of the job, but I still think it's far better that a man with a steady partner comes to see me rather than seeking out an affair just to get this "extra" sex. Because I want no involvement with him beyond the client/provider relationship, I cause no trouble for him and his significant other.
     Apart from the physical issues inherent in the role of the "other woman for hire," being a mistress is an extremely intimate and unique liasion. Even for an escort like me--who may see a man one time only--there are often feelings and confidences shared which are much like those exchanged between lovers in an ongoing, illicit affair. Someone once said that hairdressers often become de facto confessors and even shrinks for their clients, perhaps because of the physical intimacy involved in cutting and styling someone's hair: They contact a part of the client's body--the hair and head--which normally only loved ones or other family members touch. I have wondered if perhaps this is one of the (probably many) reasons why some clients open up to me about extremely personal issues. There is a kind of "instant intimacy" which occurs when I get naked and jump into bed with a complete stranger. A lot of the normal social barriers are automatically and suddenly shattered in this configuration, and I often find myself opening up to clients, as well. We are engaged in an inherently personal and private activity, so perhaps we feel...What's left to hide? I'm sure the fact that we are somewhat anonymous and may never meet again also makes it easier to "bare our souls" to one another.
      I have discussed the therapeutic element of this work in my previous entry, "Sexual Healing," and I will probably return to this subject again and again. I don't think it can be overstated what an important function we perform as escorts, just by being willing to interact intimately with our clients, the sexual/pleasure dimension notwithstanding. I believe that some men think that this is the only thing they want from us--to "get their rocks off," etc.--but I feel certain that many people in this world are just starving for basic interaction with another human being, including being listended to, touched, and held. Sexual pleasure and release are certainly important, but I feel that perhaps some men contact us for these services, and it is more of an excuse when the real need is to reach out to and connect with another human being. I've had several clients say as much.
     So I am constantly awakening to subtler and deeper dimensions of this work. There is something very special for some of my clients about the privacy afforded by having a "secret friend," even if just for one night. Just as in an ongoing affair wherein the man is married, I often hear all about the wife--both positive and negative--but of course, she never hears about me. There is actually a great deal of trust invested in me as a complete stranger, and I take my role as confidante and confessor quite seriously. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from, but--at least for me--there is a SACRED element inherent in this position of "The Keeper of Secrets." I feel honored that some of my clients entrust me with such private details of their personal lives.
      I recently watched the movie Women In Love, based on D.H. Lawrence's novel of the same name. At one point, the characters discuss how one of the women is totally cut-out to be a wife, and how the other is a "natural mistress." Well, I have been both roles in my life, and at this point, I suppose I am in my "mistress phase." I thoroughly enjoy the freedom to come and go as I please which the escort lifestyle affords me. And as I've previously mentioned, the financial element is truly gratifying, and I don't even work all that much. Surprisingly, I do get many of my needs for physical and emotional intimacy met through the job, and I also have many dear friends who are really the core of my life. So...once again...I'm amazed at the richness and complexity of experience which I find in this work, and how everything in my life leading up to this career has totally prepared me for it. Let the adventure continue!!!

Risen Woman

"Dear Rachel, Thank you many fold times, I enjoyed speaking in person voice to voice, and now I have admired the integrity, authenticity and honesty You express your feelings, thought, and mind, soul. (blogs) Blessings to you for being so loving and nurturing, compassionate and understanding, and expressing so eloquently. Thank you so much. I am really looking forward to meeting you, and sharing the nurturing/ blessing / healing goddess that you have awakened and embodied, realized. Blessings Blessings Blessings" (That was an e-mail from a prospective client, sent after we spoke by phone, and after he had read all of my previous blog entries.)      I have written somewhat in previous chapters of this blog about the enormously gratifying self-esteem "boost" I experience through this job, and it still continues to amaze me to this day.  I am very aware that not all sex workers feel the same, although I wish they could each feel as good about their chosen career path as I do.      The title of this entry, "Risen Woman," of course refers to the concept of a "fallen woman"--a term which may go all the way back to biblical times and before--and indeed is probably still seen as one of the worst categories which can be ascribed to a female, even to this very day.  I choose this twist-on-words, so to speak, to highlight the extreme opposite effect which this supposedly lower-than-low career actually has on me.      We all know that when people want to make a point about how much they "hate their jobs," or are "only doing it for the money," they will often make statements such as "Oh, I'm just prostituting myself," or, "I'm just a whore for the money, " etc.  These comments indicate that the person making them obviously does not believe that a prostitute DOES or actually even COULD enjoy her profession, as if performing sex acts and pleasuring others for pay is inherently and unequivocally a loathsome and disgusting occupation.  I beg to differ, and I also say, "Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!!!"      It seems that these sorts of negative images of prostitution are a symptom of an even deeper illness in our society:  that is, we live in a "sex-negative" culture.  The power of images and innuendo of human sexuality may be used to sell everything from automobiles to laundry soap, but I have always believed that this is because many of us were taught from a young age--either overtly or covertly--that sex is "dirty," and so it becomes a repressed urge, even as it becomes that much stronger.  Madison Avenue plays on this perversion of a normal, human function only to enriches itself.  Unfortunately, this country was founded by a Puritan offshoot of Christianity which was fleeing oppression in its former England.  How ironic is it, then, that repression may be the very first word which comes to mind when we hear the term "puritanical," even though these people were seen as mavericks and revolutionaries in their own time.          I, myself, also had these sorts of stereotypes about prostitution being a "dark, depressing, lowly endeavor" running around in my head when I first embarked on this path.  These began to quickly dissolve when I met my early clients and found them to be for the most part very normal, respectful gentlemen--who also often wanted to please me--as I've mentioned in previous entries.  But I am no fool:  I realize that there is a huge spectrum of work and life conditions related to the whole field of sex-for-money, and that some women in this line of work are indeed taken advantage of, held against their will, abused, etc.  This is why I believe "de-crim"--the decriminalization of sex work--needs to become a reality in the U.S., as it is in so many other parts of the world.  This choice of lifestyle and profession--which can be ideal for many women--could be made so much safer for everyone involved if it wasn't illegal.  More on this in a future blog entry.      There are still moments (even today, after almost 3 1/2 years in the business) when I am rushing off to meet a new client, and some thought goes off in my head such as, "What the hell am I doing?  Why am I in this crazy business, anyway?!!" I tell the thought something like this: "Thank you for sharing--now SHUT UP!!!," and it usually goes away.  If it doesn't, then I resort to the ever-effective, "Don't think about it--just DO IT!!!"  That one works every time to calm my nerves.  Then as so often happens--just like on a recent evening--I had an absolutely fabulous time with a complete stranger, and relaxed into a "I-must-have-gone-to-heaven" mood all the rest of the night.  This is the strange dichotomy of emotions which emerged for me--especially in the early days of this job--and I see this as an outcome of the very deeply-ingrained stereotypes of "sex for money is wrong;" "I should feel bad about doing this," etc.  Thankfully, these episodes of self-doubt happen less and less as time goes on, as I am able to more and more fully integrate this work with the person I am and always have been. I just found an article in an escort chat room, which I will excerpt below.  It is actually written by a man for men who might consider approaching an escort (or any other "professionally beautiful woman," as the author whimsically terms us) in order to date or hook-up.  It is eye-opening for me, as the writer points out the very important ways in which we are quite different from mainstream, "civilian women." "These professional women are just like any other girl you’re likely to meet, except for two major differences: 1. They have no “reputation” to protect. (They have no fears of being labeled as “easy” or condemned as “a slut”.) 2. They know they can generate their security for themselves, so they can afford to date whomever they please, rather than relying on finding a man to support them to guarantee their security." (he continues)"...porn stars, escorts, models, and exotic dancers fall into the category of 'professionally beautiful girls' and tend to have a different attitude: they already have all the validation they need, not only based on their looks, so 'negging' [making negative remarks to the woman] falls on deaf ears, as do banal compliments."  (Italics mine.) The author of this article states something here which has been taking shape in my mind and heart as an unformed entity, and he crystallizes it beautifully:  There is something about this work (if one has a positive attitude towards the job, and is comfortable in it) which can transform the prostitute's view of herself as a sexual being in a very deep and profound way. He goes on to write that women in this industry find themselves outside the usual pressures of sexual politics and economics which most women are subject to.  I notice that I have become much less worried about my attractiveness, and also about "finding a man" to take care of me, etc.  I have all the validation I need, as well as the ability to support myself financially.  I don't have to play games with the male friends and acquaintances in my life, and I don't care what they think of me in sexual terms.  (Fortunately, many of my friends--both male and female--know what I do for a living, and are very supportive.  They also appreciate the funny and often heart-warming stories I tell of the adventures with my clients.) I HAVE noticed a major shift in myself as I watch my friends go through their normal relationship "dramas."  Someone suggested that I might be a bit "jaded;" I disagree.  I feel that I am ABOVE THE FRAY.  It's as if I would say, "Yes--I remember all of those things, and I am just so grateful that, at least for now, I'm not a part of that milieu."  Of course there are escorts who have boyfriends or husbands--but I am coming from a different perspective after having been in this business for several years.  I am no longer emotionally needy.  I am deeply happy within myself--for perhaps the first time in my life--and I believe that all of the wonderful interactions with my clients have greatly contributed to that happiness.  A new confidence has emerged, and that is a major component of a healthy self-esteem. When I first discovered the escort chat rooms, and began reading the comments and stories of the other sex workers, at some point, it just hit me over the head:  "ALL OF THESE LADIES ON HERE...THEY'RE ALL E-M-A-N-C-I-P-A-T-E-D WOMEN!!!"  For those who are independent contractors, like myself--and for those who are reasonably happy in this work--the combination of a great income PLUS the appreciation (and even adoration) of multiple male lovers can have an incredibly empowering, liberating, and uplifting effect on a woman's psyche. The question is often posed, "But would you want your OWN DAUGHTER to do this work?!!"  Well--to be fair, I do not have any children--but there are young women in my extended family who are very dear to me.  But I would have to say, "YES--ARE YOU KIDDING?!!"  In what other profession can a woman work 5 hours a week and make $50k a year?  If I were training a young woman in this work, I would certainly teach her all I know, and advise her to be as safe as possible, giving her the full benefit of my own experience.  There are risks, of course, but I believe them to be manageable. In closing, I would like to say that the impression which has been arising in me for some time now is this:  I believe that EVERY woman--if she has the opportunity--should do this work at some point in her life--even if it's only for a short period--just for the empowering experience of it all.  This statement may be highly controversial, but I actually believe that the expanded perspective and enhanced esteem this profession can engender--if engaged in properly--is completely worth the effort, and can be achieved by no other means.  Many women fantasize about being an "Upscale Call Girl;" I totally understand why now.  Beyond the apparent glamor of being a "professionally beautiful woman," there is an amazing opportunity for personal growth along sexual, self-image, and economic lines. I feel so fortunate that I GET TO LIVE THE FANTASY!!!

Health & Safety

I have only been in this business for about 2 1/2 years, so I certainly cannot say that I am a veteran by any means, but I do have some experience.  "Health & Safety" issues were the concerns which gave me the most trepidation when I first considered doing this work.  I cannot speak for all of the ladies in all situations, but for me, at least, it has been much less scary, and seems less dangerous than I might have originally imagined.      The top three concerns (in order of importance, for me, at least):                           ~   PHYSICAL SAFETY                           ~   LEGAL ISSUES                           ~   STDS       The last two issues--legal and disease--are perhaps almost a tie for 2nd place in my mind.  They are both serious concerns (and rightly so), but certainly not as much as the issue of my physical well-being.  I will discuss them a bit later on.      PHYSICAL SAFETY:  The first thing I did when I contemplated my "new career" as an escort was to contact someone who is very close to me and ask her if she would be my "security check-in," that is:  Would she be willing to receive my texts with the information about where I was going and with whom I was spending time?  She was and always has been resoundingly supportive of me in all areas of my life, and so it was no different in this case.  I immediately felt much better about the prospect of this very new and and somewhat frightening enterprise, knowing that she would be "watching over me," so to speak.  It certainly gave me a modicum of peace of mind.      I believe that it is critical that someone play this role for an independent escort like myself.  It could be a "cool relative," a good friend, or another provider (with whom one might trade the favor).  But I think it's important--for so many obvious reasons--that someone knows where I am and with whom at all times.      My "S.C."--"Security Check-in"--and I have it set up that I text her my proposed whereabouts (since I am almost exclusively an "Outcall only" escort) a few minutes before I leave for my appointment.  If I know that it is going to be a long session (I don't always know ahead of time), I give her the approximate length.  She texts me back that she has received the info.  When I am finished with the appointment, I text her an "all clear" signal, and she then erases everything from her cell phone.  We have agreed that if I do not contact her within some reasonable amount of time (such as 24 hrs.), then she starts to investigate.  We want to allow for phone problems and other snafus so that she doesn't overreact.  In the past 2 1/2 years, I have forgotten to send the "all clear" only one time--and she was ALL OVER MY CASE!!!  So the system works well for us.       I usually do the check-in only the first time I see a client; once I know they are legitimate and harmless, then I don't continue to send the info. if I see them again in the future.  I will often tell a new client that "someone knows where I am," and that I have to check in with my S.C. at a certain point so that she knows I'm ok, etc.  This also sends a clear signal that I take my personal safety very seriously, and the client is on notice that he should also.  In all the time I've been doing this, I've only felt mildly unsafe with one aggressive client.  I wrote about him in a previous blog entry.  I've had worse "regular dates."  Almost every client has been friendly, cooperative, respectful, and just really normal. This is a blessing, a surprise, and a HUGE relief!      I realize that having my S.C. perform this function for me alleviates the need that some women might have for a pimp, a driver, or an agency.  I am very fortunate to live and work in an upscale, relatively low-crime area, so I don't have the need for "protection" that women working in other environments might have.  There are obviously many other issues involved with physical safety; I may write more on this topic in a future blog entry.  I  do see that every provider has to find her own way to make it as safe as possible for her to do this work.      Our hourly rate obviously reflects the risks we take.  On a lighter note, I sometimes describe myself as being "like a stunt woman...an erotic stunt woman!!!"  :)      LEGAL ISSUES:  When I first contemplated placing an advertisement as an escort, I did a whopping four hours of research on the business and legal aspects of this work.  I've already written about how I got the ideas for my post (which I have never altered in 2 1/2 years--except for my age--by the way) in my first entry, "I Love My Job."  Of course, my clients are only paying for my time, and anything that happens within the appointment is between consenting adults, but some people might construe this as a form of prostitution.  So I looked up the laws in my state, and it is considered a misdemeanor for "disorderly conduct."  I told one friend about this law, and he said, "What?!!  There's nothing DISORDERLY about it!!!"  Certainly not the way I do it, which is to conduct myself just as any other businesswoman would.      I have read in some of the escort forums that providers do get busted sometimes, and it would of course be a huge hassle if that were to happen to me.  In my state, the penalties are not very severe, and I probably wouldn't do any jail time.  Several of the women were merely ticketed and released after they were arrested.  Many of them wrote about how they fought sometimes for years in court to have the charges dropped, and how they eventually won, but not until after a long struggle.  Of course, I am whole-heartedly in favor of decriminalization of the whole field of sex work.  That is probably a subject for a whole blog entry in itself.      As far as protecting myself from any legal problems, I don't discuss any explicit subjects, and I make it very clear that the client is "paying for my time ONLY."  I have read on the forums that some women are busted just for showing up at an appointment with money in their pockets and condoms on their person; this is obviously police harassment.  I was told by an early client that there is very little prosecution in my area, and from what I've seen in 2 1/2 years, this seems to be true.  I know that some kind of legal confrontation is always a possibility, however.  I just hope that the police have better things to do!      Sometimes a new client will tell me that he is afraid that I may be "L.E." (law enforcement.)  I actually appreciate it when a newbie client is a bit paranoid, as it is very unlikely that he will be dangerous to me in any way.  I had one client coming in from another state who started to have a panic attack on the plane before he arrived.  He had already made the appointment with me, we had already talked on the phone, and we were set to meet that evening.  Through his hyperventilation, he managed to blurt out:  "How do I know YOU'RE not a cop?!!  How do you know I'M not a cop?!!"  I said:  "Sweetheart--RELAX--we're just gonna HANG OUT!!!"  Once he met me in person, he was ok, but I definitely had to "talk him down" there for awhile!!!      SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES:  Due to cultural stereotypes (aren't they almost always W-R-O-N-G?), I assumed that being in this line of work, wherein I have a lot of intimate contact with others, would lead me to almost certainly contract an STD at some point, if I stayed in the business long enough.  I have to say that, based on my own experience, and the writings of the other women on the escort forums, this certainly may NOT be the case at all.  For sure--there is greater risk for providers in this industry just due to the sheer numbers of partners alone--but I believe that if an escort is disciplined about her condom use and other safer-sex practices, she may be able to work for many years without having a problem.      I also believe that women in this industry are more well-informed about STDs in general, because it is part of their job to educate themselves and make things as safe for themselves and their clients as possible (at least, ideally, this is the case).  I think that many women get "talked out of" using a condom in regular dating because they're "in love with a guy," etc.  Men can be very persuasive along these lines, even for a "condom Nazi" like me.  More on this below.         The most dangerous sexual practices, according to the San Francisco clinic (http://forum.myredbook.com/cgi-bin/alink.pl?ab=http://www.sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/stdchart.asp) are uncovered (that is, "without a condom") vaginal or anal intercourse.  Although most sex workers state that they do not engage in unprotected intercourse with their clients, there is much debate on the forums between the providers about where they set their boundaries, and what they are willing and not willing to do with their clients physically, and at times the interchanges become rather heated.  These are very personal issues, and--again--each sex worker must decide what works best for her.      The two main incurable STDs are HIV and herpes II (genital herpes--"H2"), and I also found out recently that syphilis in advanced stages is perhaps also incurable, but this disease is relatively rare these days.  Chlamydia and gonorrhea are both treatable;  HIV is very rare in the area in which I live, so that leaves H2 as the remaining bugaboo that people are concerned about in my neighborhood.  H2 is also of greater concern because it can occur on the body outside of a condom's protection, even though condoms do afford a good amount of protection from the disease.      Up to 20% of the U.S. population tests positive for the H2 virus, and women seem to be more susceptible to it than men, perhaps  becuase of the greater amount of mucous membrane in the genital area.  I have become something of a "herpes expert," after having a couple of close calls with two different men who tested positive for the virus after I had been intimate with them.  One was a non-client, "regular" guy I was dating, by whom I (VERY stupidly) got talked into having unprotected sex--NEVER AGAIN, BY THE WAY!!!  The other was a regular client early on in my career with whom I had always used a condom, but who wanted to get a "package deal" with me for bareback (no condom) services in the future, and so we both got tested.  Ooops--he had NO symptoms (very common with H2), but he tested dirty nonetheless.  So I "cut him off"--figuratively speaking, of course--no reason to take any chances!!!      Both of these men said:  "I've had a vasectomy, I don't have any diseases, and I don't want to use a condom."  If I EVER hear that from a man again, I'm going to conclude: "That's the HERPES TALKIN'!!!"  Those little viruses really want to replicate themselves.  And these guys wonder how they got infected in the first place!      These are big subjects here, and there is much more to say on each of them, but I think that is enough for now.  I remember a poster at Planned Parenthood many years ago (I will post it here if I can find it) of a cartoon man and a woman running towards each other with arms outstretched.  It read:  "LOVE CAREFULLY!!!"  I think that slogan pretty much sums up my sentiment on the subject.

My First Virgin

I understand that it is a common practice in many cultures--and yes, even in the U.S.--for a father to hire a prostitute for his son's "first" experience.  It is also traditional in some societies around the world for an older woman to introduce a young man into the mysteries and pleasures of sex, and this sometimes includes teaching him to be a good lover to his future partners.  Well, I never exactly imagined myself in this position, but a few nights ago, it did happen.      Most often, when a potential client tells me that "this is my first time," he means in "hiring an escort."  It became clear to me the other night that the young man who had availed himself of my services meant literally HIS FIRST TIME--EVER!!!  So there was a moment when I thought:  "Yikes--I have a whole new job description!," and I was a bit taken aback at first, but it actually went very well, and I feel now that I was an essential part of an important rite of passage for this young man.      Pablo (not his real name, of course) came out to meet me at my car.  He is an extremely affable, sincere, handsome, and somewhat shy man in his late 20s, who for various reasons related to professional responsibilities and due to the repressive culture into which he was born, had just not yet had a sexual encounter with a woman.  I was immediately impressed by his matter-of-fact attitude, his openness, his willingness to learn, and his natural talents in bed.      I loved that Pablo was so very practical, and just decided to hire someone like me himself!  I can definitely understand how a relatively introverted young man from another culture would feel very lost in the American dating scene, with all of its mixed signals and the mine-field of stereotypes, expectations, and assumptions which of course plague us all.  How much more difficult for a genuinely shy, sensitive and sincere young male to try to navigate this tricky course?  I was just in admiration that he decided on a very reasonable solution:  hire an escort for a night of lessons and pleasure, and the most important thing:  To NOT be a virgin anymore!!!      We talked about many things, not just the mechanics of sex itself.  He wanted general advice on dating, and I had to rack my brain and draw on my vast experiences along those lines to think of what to say to him.  Again, I have never been with a virgin (that I know of) in my personal dating life or at work, so it was a bit disorienting at first.  Normally, I am hired to be a companion and playmate for an hour or two for a man who knows what he wants (for the most part).  Sometimes clients are shy or nervous, but they are not usually "newbies" to the whole act itself.      What was really surprising was how difficult it was for me to advise him on how to behave with a new woman he was dating.  There must be so much pressure on a young man, I would guess, to be a "gentleman," and yet to also make all the first moves and to be the aggressor when it comes to getting physical.  I found myself encouraging him over and over again to be himself, to be honest, to communicate, and to ask his date what she enjoys, etc.      Then I had to explain in rather convoluted terms that often a young woman will crave sex as much as a guy, but her mind will tell her that it's "not right," or whatever.  How to describe to a very earnest young man who has hardly ever dated that relationships can be full of "Mixed Messages from Hell"?!!  This was probably the most challenging part of my job that night.  I think the best advice I could give him was to find someone with whom he was comfortable, and with whom he had good communication, and that these two qualities in a relationship could go a long way towards helping to deal with any other difficulties that might arise.              He had done his homework by watching porn and studying up somewhat on the matter of human sexuality in general, and so he was well prepared--and very willing!  He had also practiced with a condom.  It was just so amazing to me how he had it all planned out:  "I am going to prepare myself, and YOU are going to teach me"!  I quickly analyzed in my mind what are the normal "steps" a guy usually takes when he wants to show a woman that he likes her, and that he is interested in becoming intimate.  "Touch her gently on the shoulder, on the leg while you are chatting with her;" "If you are sitting next to her on a bench or in a movie theater, try to hold her hand or put your arm around her shoulder;" "Watch her body language to see if she is receptive," etc., etc.  There really is quite a fairly well set-out sequence of events if you take the time to break it all down.  I think young men are probably running these steps through their heads all the time!      After talking for awhile, we finally went to bed, and I was actually a bit nervous--but not as much as him--he was shaking!  But he has a very good sense of humor, and I am told that I put people at ease, so we got through the slight anxiety.  I thought he was really quite brave, and so down-to-earth about the whole thing.  I had to think about what a guy "usually" does first in bed.  I again reminded him that "everyone is different," and to "ask your partner what she likes," etc.  I taught him how to French kiss, how to touch me all over very sensually--pointing out that this is the way I like to be touched, but that it may very well be somewhat universal to all women in general.  I shared with him the maxim that I heard from a client one time, and that I believe to be true in many ways:  "If you want to make a man feel good, worship his cock; if you want to make a woman feel good, worship her whole body."      Pablo is really quite a good kisser, and has a very sensual touch--especially for a man who has never done either with a woman before!  He was quite eager and willing to kiss and play with my breasts, which he did very well.  It was so funny--I actually found myself being "first time" nervous when it got to the point when he was going to explore my private parts.  I don't know if I was picking up on his anxiety, or if it was my own, based on not knowing how he might react to the whole situation.  Well, he was a champ.  He kissed my vulva right off the bat, and explored the whole area with his tongue and finger.  I think he even succeeded in finding my G-spot!      Then I really started enjoying the fun of it all:  I was INITIATING this young man into one of the most important experiences of his whole life.  I was his teacher, and he was an extremely willing and enthusiastic student.  We also both saw the humor in the whole situation, and were able to be light-hearted about it.  It still makes me chuckle when I think about it--that I didn't know what role I was going to be stepping into that night!  I'm actually glad that I didn't know ahead of time that it was going to be my job to "de-virginize" him, or I might have put unnecessary pressure on myself beforehand.  This is one of the things I love most about this work:  The Adventure of it All.      Being the New Age Escort, of course I perceived the sacred element in this experience for the both of us, and I said a little prayer as he entered me.      I was again impressed by his demeanor once we got to the intercourse.  He is just a naturally talented and sensual lover, and he had some very nice moves on his own without me saying anything.  I have often heard that when a guy has his first time, he usually comes in a matter of seconds.  I was on top at first, and showed him various permutations of the "female superior" position, and why many people think it "superior" to the perennially favorite but perhaps overrated "missionary position."  He actually held off his orgasm very nicely and was a true gentleman.  Then when I got on the bottom, it was all over in a matter of seconds, because we were focusing on him finally, and he was able to relax and let go.      He breathed a metaphorical sigh of relief that he had finally gotten his "first time" behind him.  He was very grateful and thanked me very much, and told me that his next time would be with a real girlfriend.   It was an extremely delightful and life-affirming experience for me, if unexpected, and I am deeply grateful that I could assist him.  I wish there wasn't the age difference between us, because I would like to date him myself!      Just for fun--and partly to "research" this entry--I watched The 40 Year-Old Virgin, which I had recorded previously but hadn't yet watched.  I found it to be a surprisingly sweet, funny, and endearing film, with a rather clear message:  Everyone is on his or her own path, and their sexual "status" really has very little to do with who they are as a person or what kind of lover they might be.  It also reminded me of an article I saw long ago entitled "Why nerdy geeks make the best boyfriends."  The film is perhaps a not-so-subtle reminder to "Not judge a book by its cover," and to give ourselves time to get to know someone before deciding anything about them.  People can surprise us.  I believe that Pablo, just like the character in the movie, will make some woman very happy someday on many different levels.  I wish him all the best!

Sexual Healing

I touched briefly in my first blog entry on how I have found this work to have an unexpected healing dimension to it, and I am not the only one who feels that way. Several of my clients have used this word, and have expressed how their encounters with me have served to improve their lives on many levels, beyond the obvious sexual pleasure of the moment. And the benefits to my own life keep revealing themselves in new and surprising ways, as well.

As stated previously, my clients hire me for a myriad of reasons. I am guessing that approximately 50% of them are married or involved in a serious relationship, and for some reason feel that they need an encounter beyond the confines of that bond. Some travel extensively for a living, and do not have the time or energy to devote to a girlfriend. Some are "between relationships," and just want some intimate companionship without any strings attached.

I have needed to open my mind a great deal regarding the "cheating" element of this job, because it is definitely a big part of it. In my normal dating life, I never would knowingly date a married man or someone who was in a committed relationship, because I wanted to be taken seriously, and not just regarded as a "plaything" or "naughty diversion." I figured that if a guy wanted to get involved with me, he needed to cut ties with anyone else before embarking on that. Also, if he had children in his marriage, I felt that I would be cheating on them, too, as well as his wife. I think in all my adult life, only two guys I dated briefly got away with lying to me about being married.

This issue of having married men as clients was probably one of the biggest moral dilemmas I faced in taking on this work. Some men share with me what's going on in their marriages, and why they feel the need to enlist my services, and some talk very openly about their wives, as if they were just speaking to me as a friend. I am still not very happy about this aspect of the job, but I have gained some peace about it. I don't know if it will sound like a "cop-out," but I have come to accept the notion that if they don't hire me, they will hire someone else, and the cheating will happen anyway. On top of that--and what makes me feel the best about my position, perhaps--is that I am the "Anonymous Woman"--and far better for them to have a dalliance with me than to get involved with an affair or to take on a real mistress.

Several of my clients--both older and younger than me--are in basically sexless marriages, and yet they want to stay with their wives for various reasons. Having a very strong libido myself, they have garnered some sympathy on my part, in that if my husband (if I were happily married) decided he didn't want to have sex anymore, that would be really tough for me. I think it's incredibly unfair and even cruel for a spouse to say to a partner: "Well--I don't want to or can't have sex with you anymore, so that means your sex life is over, too..." I think this is just impractical and unreasonable, on both emotional and physical levels. Certainly after my experiences as an escort, if I were in a devoted relationship, and suddenly lost my drive or interest in physical lovemaking, I would encourage my partner to find someone to fulfill his needs; heck--I'd probably even help him look!

When a spouse cuts a partner off sexually, it makes me think of an analogy: So my tennis partner moves away, does that mean I can never play tennis again? Hell no!!! And sex is a lot more important than tennis! An older client was just telling me how his doctor told him one of my favorite lines: "USE IT OR LOSE IT!!!" Because my client's wife won't have sex with him, the doctor suggests that he masturbate 3 times per week. I am seeing more and more evidence in mainstream media and on-line that regular sexual release, whether with a partner or alone, is beginning to be thought of as a normal part of a healthy lifestyle and physical regimen.

What is so encouraging, especially in this client's case, is that he reports to me that our occasional encounters are actually helping his marriage!!! Perhaps because he feels less frustrated, and therefore less resentful towards his wife, he and she are getting along better these days. He even told me recently that he has hope that the physical intimacy may return to his marriage someday, and that he felt sorry if he couldn't see me any anymore. Hey--no problem! How heartening is it to feel that I could help in such an intractable situation as this? Healing comes in many forms. If he has to let me go, I will just smile and say: "My work here is done!!!"

Several clients have hired me, after long periods without a sex partner, just to make sure that "everything still works." I am glad to say that in most of these cases, the answer was a resounding "Yes!" Some of my older clients have issues with their physical functioning, so in some regards, I do act as a sort of amateur sex therapist. And of course, a number of my clients complain of stress or anxiety, due to a heavy work load or other stressors in their lives. After a good session with me, they often drift off to sleep. When they wake up, I tell them (with a mischeivious grin), "You see, I'm not really an escort--I'm a sleep therapist!

The benefits to my own health and well-being, both physical and emotional, are numerous as well. I do have very good sex with several of my regular clients, and even with some of the random, "one-timers," too. After many years of being in my sexual peak and with no regular partner, this is...um...gratifying! I develop friendships with some of my clients, and we do become a part of each others' routine lives. I very much enjoy the variety of the men I meet, and appreciate the conversations we share and the many different points of view I encounter. Several have helped me out in various ways in my "normal" life. Most are very nice people--gentlemen, to be sure--and I feel blessed to find myself in such a unique position in my life at this time, with so much positive feedback and warm regard coming my way.

This work has also been quite a boost to my self-esteem, which is very much a surprise to me. I will write more on this topic in a future blog entry, but I have to say that, given the stereotypes and cultural attitudes I grew up with regarding this profession, this wonderful side-effect of a positive attitude and emotional lift has been the biggest shock to me, albeit a happy one. I think most women in Western culture question their desirability and their sex appeal. The fact that I receive so much praise and appreciation from my clients regarding my looks and my talents in bed has just been profoundly healing for me, and has increased my confidence level in many other areas of my life. This work came to me at a time when I had basically "given up" on relationships, and was just resigned to this job which might actually damage my self-concept, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I have many more relationships (although somewhat limited in nature, by necessity), and now feel like a "Sex Goddess" at middle age! I still sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming!

Disclosure

I believe that most of my wide circle of family and friends would be understanding and supportive of my current career choice as an escort, but it's still a bit of a "nail-biter" when I tell someone new.  Almost without exception, all of the ones I have told have been happy for me that I have found something that works for me and--um--pays the bills! 

Fakes and Flakes

Some guys seem to have nothing better to do than to "f"-around with the escorts. I have tried to figure out why this is, and how on earth anyone would want to spend the time or waste the energy to do so. I have only experienced a true "fake" appointment a handful of times, but, of course, it is very frustrating and disappointing when it does happen.

The first time it happened may not have actually been a true "fake," just a guy who'd never called a woman like me before, and got cold feet or just changed his mind at the last minute. It was pretty lame the way he did it, though. He was one of my early clients, so of course it impacted me more than it would today. He was an older gentleman, and we talked several times by phone before we met (which is how I screen all of my potential clients, for the most part). He sounded like a really nice guy, and I was looking forward to a positive encounter.

Well, I arrived at his place at the appointed time, and he let me in and gave me a tour of the house, as some clients do. Then he sat down and proceeded to watch TV for about 20 minutes, and I sat nearby, waiting. At about that point, I asked him, "Are we going to retreat to the bedroom sometime soon?," and he said, "Oh--you're not what I expected. I'll have to pass." Ok--that's cool--but did he have to make me sit there for almost half an hour and not tell me what was up?!! I thought it was so ridiculous. It would also be courteous to give an escort something for showing up--even if the client changes his mind--since she held up her end of the bargain. One of my clients once told me that $50 is the customary tip if one declines her services. That seems about right to me, because often it is too late to get another appointment for that evening, I've dressed, driven quite a distance, etc., etc.

In this particular instance, I don't know what the guy's problem was. I generally arrive in regular street clothes, for everyone's sake. I don't know if he was expecting me to show up looking like a floozy, with high-heels and a trench coat and sexy lingerie underneath. That's just not my style, and most clients would not appreciate it. Many ask me to arrive in an unobtrusive manner. Also--I felt no sexual chemistry or energy with this guy whatsoever, so I was actually glad he declined my services; it would have been "hard work." As well: I may not be a beauty queen, but I'm attractive enough for the vast majority of my clients. This guy didn't even "see the goods," so maybe he just freaked out or something. If he thought I wasn't "hot" enough, I would just have to ask him, "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Let's just say that he was no Romeo himself.

The real "fakes" are the ones who just mess around and pretend to be interested in making an appointment, but were never serious. I encountered a lot of this on Craigslist, when I used to post on their now-defunct adult services section. I really can't say anything good about CL, but that is an issue for another entry. Anyway, even though Backpage is a very similar type of free bulletin-board website, I find the clients to be much better. I could post a (very expensive) ad on CL, and get 70--yes, that's seven zero--responses by text or phone call within 24 hours, and almost none of them would ever work out. I know there's a problem when a potential client asks endless questions, or wants to see multiple photos, etc. It seems like many of these are younger guys who maybe one of their friends "dared" to call an escort, etc.

There are some clients who just have no respect for another person's time. They think it's ok to just "flake-out" without a cancellation call or any such courtesy. In the business, we call this "NC/NS": "No call/No show." Escorts get really low marks for being irresponsible, so I don't know why a client would expect otherwise. Many of the girls have blacklists, as I do, and I'm certain that some of them share this information with the other providers. Luckily, I haven't encountered too many NC/NS in my career, for which I am very grateful. Most clients are gentlemen, and realize that this is how I make my living, and so are polite about keeping appointments or cancelling them when necessary.

I think that some men have religious reasons for getting "an escort off the street that night." Thus, they will make a fake appointment, and refuse her at the door with only a second's glance at her, with the now infamous: "You're not what I expected; I'm afraid I'll have to pass." It's bizarre how they almost always say exactly the same thing when they're pulling this crap. And--thankfully--it's never happened after I've taken off my clothes. I always collect my donation before I undress (usually down to bra and panty), and, well, I have a fairly hot figure, so there's pretty much no way they could say that I'm "not good enough" at that point. I have received texts from religious zealots trying to "save my soul," and get me to "change my ways," etc. I will go back and forth with them for a little while, stating that my soul is just fine, and that I am very happy in my chosen lifestyle. Then I usually finish them off by texting: "I prayed to God for a new career path, and this is what came to me." That usually shuts them up. ;)

There seem to be some people who just want to hurt and humiliate an escort by making a fake date to see her, and then refusing her once she shows up. Two of the most egregious examples come to mind. One guy almost fooled me twice! They get through my screening process by being friendly and talkative on the phone; if someone is going to go to that much trouble to suck me into his little "scam," then there's not much I can do about it. This man in his thirties had me meet him outside his place, and come all the way into his home, then turned on the light, and said, "Naw...I'm not attracted to you. I'll have to pass." It was obviously just a game for him. Months later, he responded to my ad again, and I was just about to fall for it when he gave me his address, and mentioned that he liked "nude-colored pantyhose." That rang a bell for me, and I realized who it was. I texted him that we already had met, and that he had declined, and I believe he texted me back with a little happy face and perhaps the words "Ha ha!" What a great guy!

One of the worst was a guy who seemed to give me even a fake address in which to meet him. We were texting right up until the last minute, and then he just stopped. I went up to the door of his supposed home, and it was all dark inside. So I gave up and left. Then he texted me the next day and gave me some cock-and-bull story about his sister showing up unexpectedly, and that he was going to take her to the airport that night and then would make it all up to me then. So I waited a second night outside the same address, and he called and texted that he was on his way, and then--nothing!!! I was furious, as you might imagine. And yes, I do usually text back and tell them off.

I think the worst one happened last year on Christmas Eve. The potential client and I were chatting on the phone before our appointment, and we were commiserating with each other over the fact that we wouldn't be seeing our respective significant others over the holidays. So, as is often the case, he seemed like the nicest guy in the world. I drove my usual 30-minute commute to his home, but this time it was out in a rural area, and so there was almost no hope of getting another client if something went wrong. I wasn't worried, however; I felt quite confident about this guy. Well, I was very wrong to feel that way. I got to the door, he looked me up and down for about 2 seconds, and then the customary response (need I write it again?!!). Ok--that one really hurt. I was actually bummed-out about an absent love interest, and it was freakin' Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve!!! I don't think anyone can get much lower or colder than that. So I bolstered myself up a bit, drove a very long way back into town, and ended up making-out with my favorite bartender after hours.

I really do believe there may be an element of jealousy and revenge in this type of behavior. As I said, it is rare--most of my clients are wonderfully generous, polite, and kind individuals--so this type of incident is rather shocking by contrast. I may have written in a previous entry that I get payed $200 an hour for what a lot of these guys cannot give away for free. So I think there's some deep resentment there, and so a vindictive quality to this kind of "con game." All I would say is that in most places in the world, and in most times in history (at least for the past 5-10k years, anyway), it has been a HUGE disadvantage to be a female human being on this planet. In other words, to all you mean, game-playing, hurtful "fake clients" out there: Please get a life. Please find something better to do than to rip-off a nice woman who only wants to give you pleasure and get paid in return. This is really bad karma you're creating. Someday, you may be old and ugly and smell funny, and you won't be able to get anyone to come out and "service" you, no matter how much you pay. You've been warned!!!

Professional Lover from a Past Life

I have always been subtly attracted to the concepts of "courtesan" and "geisha" (see Wikipedia for good descriptions of these terms.)  The professional psychic I consult says that I have definitely had past lives in my current profession.  Perhaps that is why it feels so familiar and comfortable--a literal "hand-in-glove" fit.  I have seen visions--were they past-life memories (?)--of myself from time to time over the years in a little French cottage in the woods, waiting for the wealthy man who was my lover to come and visit me.  These images have come to me throughout my life--well before I ever considered engaging in this type of work.  I've always felt like:  "Yes--I could see myself living that way, and I would be happy in that lifestyle."