Fakes and Flakes

Some guys seem to have nothing better to do than to "f"-around with the escorts. I have tried to figure out why this is, and how on earth anyone would want to spend the time or waste the energy to do so. I have only experienced a true "fake" appointment a handful of times, but, of course, it is very frustrating and disappointing when it does happen.

The first time it happened may not have actually been a true "fake," just a guy who'd never called a woman like me before, and got cold feet or just changed his mind at the last minute. It was pretty lame the way he did it, though. He was one of my early clients, so of course it impacted me more than it would today. He was an older gentleman, and we talked several times by phone before we met (which is how I screen all of my potential clients, for the most part). He sounded like a really nice guy, and I was looking forward to a positive encounter.

Well, I arrived at his place at the appointed time, and he let me in and gave me a tour of the house, as some clients do. Then he sat down and proceeded to watch TV for about 20 minutes, and I sat nearby, waiting. At about that point, I asked him, "Are we going to retreat to the bedroom sometime soon?," and he said, "Oh--you're not what I expected. I'll have to pass." Ok--that's cool--but did he have to make me sit there for almost half an hour and not tell me what was up?!! I thought it was so ridiculous. It would also be courteous to give an escort something for showing up--even if the client changes his mind--since she held up her end of the bargain. One of my clients once told me that $50 is the customary tip if one declines her services. That seems about right to me, because often it is too late to get another appointment for that evening, I've dressed, driven quite a distance, etc., etc.

In this particular instance, I don't know what the guy's problem was. I generally arrive in regular street clothes, for everyone's sake. I don't know if he was expecting me to show up looking like a floozy, with high-heels and a trench coat and sexy lingerie underneath. That's just not my style, and most clients would not appreciate it. Many ask me to arrive in an unobtrusive manner. Also--I felt no sexual chemistry or energy with this guy whatsoever, so I was actually glad he declined my services; it would have been "hard work." As well: I may not be a beauty queen, but I'm attractive enough for the vast majority of my clients. This guy didn't even "see the goods," so maybe he just freaked out or something. If he thought I wasn't "hot" enough, I would just have to ask him, "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Let's just say that he was no Romeo himself.

The real "fakes" are the ones who just mess around and pretend to be interested in making an appointment, but were never serious. I encountered a lot of this on Craigslist, when I used to post on their now-defunct adult services section. I really can't say anything good about CL, but that is an issue for another entry. Anyway, even though Backpage is a very similar type of free bulletin-board website, I find the clients to be much better. I could post a (very expensive) ad on CL, and get 70--yes, that's seven zero--responses by text or phone call within 24 hours, and almost none of them would ever work out. I know there's a problem when a potential client asks endless questions, or wants to see multiple photos, etc. It seems like many of these are younger guys who maybe one of their friends "dared" to call an escort, etc.

There are some clients who just have no respect for another person's time. They think it's ok to just "flake-out" without a cancellation call or any such courtesy. In the business, we call this "NC/NS": "No call/No show." Escorts get really low marks for being irresponsible, so I don't know why a client would expect otherwise. Many of the girls have blacklists, as I do, and I'm certain that some of them share this information with the other providers. Luckily, I haven't encountered too many NC/NS in my career, for which I am very grateful. Most clients are gentlemen, and realize that this is how I make my living, and so are polite about keeping appointments or cancelling them when necessary.

I think that some men have religious reasons for getting "an escort off the street that night." Thus, they will make a fake appointment, and refuse her at the door with only a second's glance at her, with the now infamous: "You're not what I expected; I'm afraid I'll have to pass." It's bizarre how they almost always say exactly the same thing when they're pulling this crap. And--thankfully--it's never happened after I've taken off my clothes. I always collect my donation before I undress (usually down to bra and panty), and, well, I have a fairly hot figure, so there's pretty much no way they could say that I'm "not good enough" at that point. I have received texts from religious zealots trying to "save my soul," and get me to "change my ways," etc. I will go back and forth with them for a little while, stating that my soul is just fine, and that I am very happy in my chosen lifestyle. Then I usually finish them off by texting: "I prayed to God for a new career path, and this is what came to me." That usually shuts them up. ;)

There seem to be some people who just want to hurt and humiliate an escort by making a fake date to see her, and then refusing her once she shows up. Two of the most egregious examples come to mind. One guy almost fooled me twice! They get through my screening process by being friendly and talkative on the phone; if someone is going to go to that much trouble to suck me into his little "scam," then there's not much I can do about it. This man in his thirties had me meet him outside his place, and come all the way into his home, then turned on the light, and said, "Naw...I'm not attracted to you. I'll have to pass." It was obviously just a game for him. Months later, he responded to my ad again, and I was just about to fall for it when he gave me his address, and mentioned that he liked "nude-colored pantyhose." That rang a bell for me, and I realized who it was. I texted him that we already had met, and that he had declined, and I believe he texted me back with a little happy face and perhaps the words "Ha ha!" What a great guy!

One of the worst was a guy who seemed to give me even a fake address in which to meet him. We were texting right up until the last minute, and then he just stopped. I went up to the door of his supposed home, and it was all dark inside. So I gave up and left. Then he texted me the next day and gave me some cock-and-bull story about his sister showing up unexpectedly, and that he was going to take her to the airport that night and then would make it all up to me then. So I waited a second night outside the same address, and he called and texted that he was on his way, and then--nothing!!! I was furious, as you might imagine. And yes, I do usually text back and tell them off.

I think the worst one happened last year on Christmas Eve. The potential client and I were chatting on the phone before our appointment, and we were commiserating with each other over the fact that we wouldn't be seeing our respective significant others over the holidays. So, as is often the case, he seemed like the nicest guy in the world. I drove my usual 30-minute commute to his home, but this time it was out in a rural area, and so there was almost no hope of getting another client if something went wrong. I wasn't worried, however; I felt quite confident about this guy. Well, I was very wrong to feel that way. I got to the door, he looked me up and down for about 2 seconds, and then the customary response (need I write it again?!!). Ok--that one really hurt. I was actually bummed-out about an absent love interest, and it was freakin' Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve!!! I don't think anyone can get much lower or colder than that. So I bolstered myself up a bit, drove a very long way back into town, and ended up making-out with my favorite bartender after hours.

I really do believe there may be an element of jealousy and revenge in this type of behavior. As I said, it is rare--most of my clients are wonderfully generous, polite, and kind individuals--so this type of incident is rather shocking by contrast. I may have written in a previous entry that I get payed $200 an hour for what a lot of these guys cannot give away for free. So I think there's some deep resentment there, and so a vindictive quality to this kind of "con game." All I would say is that in most places in the world, and in most times in history (at least for the past 5-10k years, anyway), it has been a HUGE disadvantage to be a female human being on this planet. In other words, to all you mean, game-playing, hurtful "fake clients" out there: Please get a life. Please find something better to do than to rip-off a nice woman who only wants to give you pleasure and get paid in return. This is really bad karma you're creating. Someday, you may be old and ugly and smell funny, and you won't be able to get anyone to come out and "service" you, no matter how much you pay. You've been warned!!!